Can't Believe Its been 3 Years!!!!
Today You would have turned 3! You were/are the Strongest person I have ever met in My life. You were a true FIGHTER and didnt let anyone tell You otherwise! You took everything so graciously and without complaint. You surpassed everyone's "time frame". Even though it was said You should go and You were withheld Your basic needs (Mommy and Daddy Fought Hard) You lived for 16 more days! Emmie-Rose, You are My Hero!!!!
I remember so well the day You were born! I knew You werent due yet but I was having "labor pains" which wasnt right. You were only 24.5 wks at the time. We called the docs and went into the L & D to find out what was going on. Eventually they figured out that You wanted to come today (LOL, You were in a hurry to see the WORLD). Everyone prepped and We delivered in the OR to be closer to the NICU. There were all kinds of people there to greet You when You made Your Grand Entrance! My Doc put You on My chest and You were the Most Beautiful, "Perfect" Little Girl (along with Your sisters, :) ) that I had ever seen! Truly amazing! You were 1.5lbs of Joy! I had never seen a Baby so small but soo beautiful all in one! A few minutes later, You were whisked away by the NICU Docs to give You the Support You needed for Your tiny little body to function better. My Doc made sure I was okay and finished taking care of Me before moving Me back to My room. Then We had to sit and wait... How hard was that, You may ask.... It was one of the hardest and longest waits of My life. I just wanted to hold You and make everything okay! I didnt want You to have to carry that heavy burden. You were too little to have to carry all that yourself. Its a blur how long it took before We could come into the NICU to see You! I do have to say, I was totally freaking out. Chris pushed Me up to Your bed after We washed up, and told Me I could open the porthole and touch Your Sweet little hand. I have to admit, I was really scared, I had him touch You first. When I did touch You that first time, I NEVER wanted to let You go!!! You had wires and tubes all over You and heat to keep You warm. The Nurses would explain what was going to happen next and what they were going to do throughout the day etc. The hardest thing to hear was I couldnt hold You yet. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days and then I had to be released. That was hard knowing I had to walk out of that hospital without My Baby Girl with Me. We visited everyday and there were always changes whether good or bad. Daddy called all the time to check on You when We werent there. We were always in contact with the Nurses/Docs to make sure You were getting the Best Care and We were always in the Loop of Care. As the days went on, there were setbacks but there were improvements as well. We were told when You stabilized that You would have to be transferred to another hospital due to Insurance. We were really sad about this situation as We were getting comfortable (loosely used) at the first hospital. So on the Upside of things.... You improved enough to be tranferred, You had Your first ride in a vehicle (and LOVED IT), and got to be "outside" the 4 Walls of a Hospital for a little while. We followed right behind You the whole way. We were soo happy when We got there and they told Us You had a "blast" in the Ambulance. :) You definitely experienced Michigan Bumpy Roads for sure!! LOL Anyways... after You arrived, and We talked to the Staff, We were told We wouldn't be able to see You for a long time. We were super upset about that. They stated that they had to do tests on You (that had just been done at the previous Hospital but..) and We had to just wait. A LONG time passes and they finally allowed Us to see You! Unfortunately, You contracted E Coli twice from this hospital due We feel to unclean work practices. We helped give you "bath(s)" in Your bed and helped change your bedding. Daddy changed a few diapers which was really cool! :) At one point You were off of IV's and most meds, You still had Your breathing tubes because they hadnt tried to hard to wean You off and Your lungs were still trying to develop. You also had a feeding tube due to the breathing tube, but that was it. What an accomplishment. In two months You had thrived so much! We were soo excited about your progress though We knew "We" werent out of the Woods just yet. We knew there could be a million more obstacles along the road ahead but We were completely fine with that. Then One day the We were given extremely horrible News You had contracted Necrotizing Enterocolitis(NEC for short)(Please check out this pdf file for full explaination of this condition: http://www.greenhosp.org/pe_pdf/women_NEC.pdf). We had NO CLUE what they were saying to Us except that You were in Grave Condition and things didnt look good. :( One day You were doing well and on Your way to growing and getting better and the next You weren't going to survive. We were totally stunned NOT understanding what happened, not knowing how You contracted it and realizing that You had made a HUGE turn for the worse after all Your fighting. So they told Us what they were going to do and that they would wait a few days to see if the swelling went down, if not, they would do surgery to see how intestine was salvagable. I begged and begged them on the second day to do the surgery to catch any "live intestine" before there wasnt any left. They didnt listen and did surgery on the third day. At this point, Daddy and I were "living" at the Hospital, so We were just across the hall from the NICU. We sat downstairs waiting for You to come out of Surgery. We went back upstairs for a bit waiting for You to return to the NICU, when the Surgeon came in and told Us, it was too late. Supposedly there was not enough intestine to save. They gave You 2 days! Daddy and I couldnt believe it. We totally lost it that day not knowing at what point, We would lose You or what could have been done to prevent this awful condition from occurring). So for two days We sat and I held You and looked at You and told You how much Mommy loved You and how I always would. The Docs/Nurses decided they would only do "pallative care" (which is NO CARE). They decided that She would no longer receive TPN, Blood Transfusions, or Platelets (which You had since birth, so it wasn't anything new or different). So 2 days passed and You were still going strong though You werent receiving "anything". The Docs/Nurses were "Baffled" in their words NOT knowing why You were still with Us. So they started asking Us to take You off the Breathing machine (which AGAIN, You had been on since birth and they never really bothered to wean You off) and Our answer was always "No, God will take You when He decides). They wouldnt take No and God for an answer, so they got the ethics committee involved. The committee ended up stating that "We can tell her if We decide to do so". I WAS LIVID!!!! We started sitting with You as much as possible to make sure they were not doing anything wrong to You. So You fought and We fought all day everyday for them to just let God decide when Your time was up. You made it 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16 more days with the amazement Im sure of alot of people, wondering why this Baby Girl who was given two days to live, continued on for another 16 days. Talk about Miracles!! God is Truly Amazing! You went to peacefully in My arms that evening. That day was amazing, We got there in the mid morning and I held You, looking at Me with those Beautiful Baby Eyes and as content as could be in Mommy's arms. You always seemed to feel better (Your stats perked up) when Mommy was holding You. Then towards the early evening, Your stats had started slowing going down and not coming back up. Which usually they would go up and down all the time but not like today. So I sat and held You and rocked You and talked to You looking into those eyes again. Then the stats just slowly fell to 0 and I held You in My arms and You were so at peace. It was beyond amazing how peacefully You went to Heaven that night. A few Family Members came to say Goodbye to You that night. We held You, We cried and then We had to leave for the last time visiting. Im not sure You exactly know how proud of You Daddy and I are. You gave 66 days a Run for their Money!!! :) I surely look up to You. Your strength, You attitude, Your Love and Hope You shared with others. Through You I hope people have learned alot of things about themselves and their beliefs. Even though Z, M and B only got to meet and see You a few times, there aren't many days that go by without a mention of Emmie-Rose girl!! :) They love You and miss You sooo much, there are times they cry and laugh, and visit You at the Cemetary. They love singing to You and We always say prayers with You! :)Angel, I hope You know that I love more than Life and that I can't wait to see you in Heaven! To hug You and hold You and know You aren't suffering anymore. My Love for You will NEVER die and there will always be a missing piece of My heart til We meet again.
R. I. P.
Emmie-Rose Payton J.B. Yannella
July 15, 2006-Sept. 19, 2006
Mommy and Daddy
Z, M and B
Rest in Peace Sweet Baby Girl
66 Precious Days here with Us!!!
(picture 1: Day of Funeral)
(picture 2: Day of Birth)